My Birthday

Last night wasn’t too great. Leilani didn’t sleep much, instead, she played. And kept us awake. But you can’t force a kid to sleep, and she’d stop when we told her to be still and cut it out. But then, as soon as we were basically asleep, she’d start back up again. At least, that’s how it felt. I don’t think it was quite that bad, although we’re all tired and cranky because of it.

Today we only had to do math for school. We managed to get all the rest of the week’s school done by Wednesday, since I knew the movers were coming out yesterday and had no idea about the rest of the week. Fortunately, that’s all we had to do today! And I do mean fortunately. Leilani has been incredibly whiney and cry-ey because of being so tired. All she’s doing is crying, arguing, whining and complaining. Oh, and naturally, the exact opposite of what she’s told. It was a long morning. Argh. So we just plowed on and tried to figure it out as went.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to parent. There are a few things I know absolutely – 1) I refuse to spank. I was spanked as a child and the only thing it taught me was to be sneakier so I didn’t get caught. Oh, and how to hide incredible rage, because that’s how it made me feel. 2) Spankings don’t work, because before I started thinking, I thought it was the only way to discipline. All it did was make her furious and sneaky. Clearly not a good situation. 3) I know there are better ways out there, the question is, what are they, really? I don’t want a child who’s running wild and crazy, but there’s a lot to undo from the past. What with having spanked, major upheavals in her life and all. I keep reminding myself “progress, not perfection”, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. I have all these expectations I need to get rid of. Having a perfectly behaved child. First time obedience (which I no longer agree with anyway). There are a lot. I suppose I need to sit down, figure them out, figure out why they seem so important, and decide what really is important. This is a good first step, though. Seeing some of my expectations. I think they’re from growing up the way I did. Every child was supposed to be a certain way, and how the child acted was a direct reflection on the parents. Only I don’t think that’s the way it should work. I think, in a lot of circles, it’s forgotten that children are people, too. They have complex emotions, just like adults, and less tools and experience to know how to deal with them. That, I think, is the major responsibility of parents. Not making them obedient, per se, but teaching them how to deal with emotions and life in general. Oh, and about earlier? I treated her with respect and love, and things got better. So I do have proof it works. I just sometimes lack the patience to let it work out long term and start looking for a short term “fix”.

We made some chocolate cupcakes for my birthday cake. Vegan, of course. And almond butter icing to top them off.

And those truffles I made yesterday? Didn’t even last the night. Actually, they didn’t even get fully hardened before Jeremy and I ate them all. They were healthy, though, right? Almonds, dates, soy milk, cocoa powder (organic fair trade, no less), and raw agave nectar. The cupcakes don’t have anything healthy going for them, only deliciousness. I also decided to make pumpkin soup for dinner. Super, duper delicious!

All the votes are in; the soup was great – even Natalia couldn’t get enough!

She had just had sweet potato not that long before the soup was done, but pretty much insisted on having some of mine, then on having more and more and more. I use two spoons to feed her, that way she has one and I can feed her with the other, but I do have to put some of the food on her spoon, which makes quite a mess, but she loves it. (How’s that for a run-on sentence?) Leilani even liked the cilantro on hers, so I must be doing something right :). I’m so glad my girls like spices, seasonings, and complex flavors.

Leilani made me some pictures for my birthday.

(a mermaid) She really is such a sweetie, and so cute to boot.

She’s been watching Diego a lot lately and has decided she wants to be an animal rescuer. I told her being vegan is like being an animal rescuer, because since we don’t eat animals or animal products, we’re helping save animals’ lives. Animals don’t have to be killed to feed us, and baby cows aren’t being separated from their mommy cows to give us milk. I explained (in five year old terms) that lots of animals are raised to be killed because people like to eat meat, and that since we don’t, that means fewer animals being killed. She declared that she will not ever eat animals and we’ll drink “regular not-cow milk” to help the baby cows. She also said “I don’t ever eat animals or animal products! I never do that!” So, she’s a five year old animal rescuer.

I don't think Natalia had any idea what to do with this, but she's always wanting to drink out of our cups, so I thought she'd like having her own

Tonight, when the girls took their bath together, Natalia didn’t have to use her bath seat! She sat up in the tub all by herself. It is a bit more difficult to sit up in the fluidity that is water, so she was a bit wobbly, but definitely liked not having to use the seat. She couldn’t stop grinning. Leilani loved having Natalia in the actual bath tub, too, because they could sort of play together. I just love my girls, they’re so sweet, cute, cuddly, smiley and precious. I may be biased, but I have the best girls in the world :).